Rest in love, Mama.

There is a price to pay for being born to older parents—and that is to lose them sooner than most. I have peers who have lost their dads, and I have friends who have lost their moms, but I can’t think of anyone I know that is my age that has lost both. Not even thirty and by the world’s standard, I am an orphan.

I had my daddy in my life for sixteen years and two days. And I had my mama in my life for twenty-eight years, nine months and one day. And now I’ll keep them in my heart forever, until I see them again. After my daddy passed, I had to learn how to navigate our new relationship, and in some ways, I think it’s stronger in some ways now than it was before his death. I treasure the things he gave me—most aren’t “things”—and I try to share these precious gifts with others. Like his love for learning and for laughing.

I’m figuring out this relationship with my mama, now that’s she’s gone, too. Things like watching her favorite movies (Terms of Endearment), or listening to music she liked (Patsy Cline), or eating Mexican food (fajitas without the tortillas), and loving people for themselves, for how they define themselves rather than how the world defines them. It’s through memories, old and new, that I keep her spirit alive here.

The last few weeks have happened so fast while moments within them have dripped like a faucet left running for a snowstorm. I use that metaphor because this winter has been truly bitterly cold. I love winter, but Mama hated when it would get this cold, so I think it’s an appropriate image to describe how her life receded away from the shores of this world. And my friends were right when they said it was appropriate that it would snow (rather than rain) during her funeral, the ground receiving the soft feathery kisses. There are so many memories I associate with the snow, and now this will be another one. A good one and a bad one. I know I’m using lots of different metaphors all mixed together, but it feels right because water, in all its forms, is so often used to explain and experience the faith we have in Christ, our physical birth and our rebirth. It is true what they say: the days are long, but the years are short. That’s made in reference to children being young, but I think it accurately describes our relationships during our moment (yes, moment) on this earth. Drip…drip…drip…and suddenly, there is a flood sweeping it all away. I feel that way, too. There are moments when I am flooded with overwhelming emotions, my eyes brimming and then overflowing with tears and I can’t control anything for a time until I catch my breath. But worst are the longer and longer periods where I don’t feel much of anything, outside of feeling like I have forgotten to do something, or something is missing. It’s like one of us has gone on vacation, except this time, it’s Mama who has gone away.

At death, moments that didn’t mean anything at the time are recalled with crystal clarity. Just last week, I was almost been brought to tears at the Hyundai dealership because she was there when we bought our car. It’s harder being home and back to a routine because there’s less freedom to indulge those emotions or lack thereof. People continue to ask how you are doing and if they can do anything, but the automated responses are given a bit faster than the week before and the week before that. There’s work to be done, and while there are still tears to be shed, they can (and sometimes must) wait for the calm and the quiet. I am so thankful for the family and friends who have provided support to me, Zach, and my brother—my aunts and uncles for being there in the truly hard and mortal moments, for helping make plans and share burdens, for letting me know it’s okay to smile and laugh; my cousins who grieve the aunt Gracie they lost; my friends, so many friends, who were there to cry and pray with us and for us, to help me take care of my mama and myself, to bring me chocolate and food, to loan me clothes, to take us out lunch or bring us dinner, to send cards and flowers and gifts to offer some comfort.

I guess I am supposed to be mad at the cancer that took my mother’s life within a few weeks and just days after a diagnosis, but I’m not even mad, not yet. Maybe that will come with time. Maybe I’ll even have the audacity to be angry with God for a while. But instead, I think on what a fallen world we live in. I think that, even if we have favor on our lives from the moment of birth, we are still here and we will still die someday. Nothing bad or evil is of God. He created all things to work for His good. A lot of people comfort themselves by saying it’s God’s will that they are sick. Well, I say to that—it’s nonsense! Literally NO SENSE! God wants us to be healthy and well, but the thing is—we live in a sick world. However, He can redeem anything that is corrupted here, so long as He is chosen. God is in the spiritual business. The problem is, our flesh can tear us down, even spiritually, if we let it. All it is, in terms of mass, is mostly water with the dam waiting to be broken or shored up. We came from water (the deep) to become solid (as a human being) but will return as air (as just a spirit, our inner most being).

Living here, separated from God, is the cost of being human creatures. And death (spiritual and physical) is the price we pay to live again—though we may be separated from those we love here for a time. Just for a time. Really, when you think about it while trying to see forever, a lifetime is not so long. “They” also say that youth is wasted on the young, but recently, I heard that it’s actually maturity that is wasted, wasted on the old. As I watched my mama slip away, I couldn’t help but count my regrets and wasted opportunities, times I turned from her or against her, while I tried to hold onto those very precious hours with both hands as I finally realized what an hour with a loved one really meant. It’s priceless.

I’m so thankful I got to spend that week in the hospital with my mom. I wish we could have had more weeks, even days, like that, doing things she enjoyed. But we did get in a lot of talks and watched a lot of TV and movies, simple things we loved when I was growing up. We watched Steel Magnolias one of those days she was in the hospital. I can’t help but think of M’Lynn telling her friends: “I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.”

I left my mama, but I promised I would be back. And I did come back. I got to hear her say, “I love you,” one more time, and I got to tell her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her for how hard she worked, and then I told her she could go because we would be okay and take care of each other. And we will. I will always miss my mama, but I wouldn’t give anything to have her here again. She is with her Redeemer. She truly lives because He lives. And for the time, I live here and carry on.

In memory of Gracie Irene Byrd

Sept. 29, 1944-Feb. 2, 2014

Rest in peace, Mama.  Rest in love.

Happy New Year!

I'm posting from Chicago today! We are packing up to head to O'Hare because we go back to work tomorrow. *boo* I've been out of pocket since the snow break we had at the beginning of December: once we got back from the snow days, we were busy with finals, grading, Silver Dollar City, wrapping up work, finishing things up for Christmas, Zach's Grandpa's funeral, Christmas festivities, and traveling to Chicago for the New Year. Gosh, December goes by too fast...

Here's to 2014!  I've got some nice goals lined up regarding my health, serving others, showing gratitude to God, reading, writing, and ironing. Yes, I've resolved to iron our clothes more! (They look so much nicer. :)

How are you celebrating the New Year? Any resolutions?

Sensory Overload: 5 on Friday

It's Friday, y'all!  My first Friday back at work (we've been on an efficiency schedule this week) consisted of going in late after taking Hobie cat to the vet and leaving early to take the car to get serviced.  In between that, I caught the tail end of orientation, went to get lunch at Arby's with Zach, and played our cake-smashing video from our reception.  So a very productive day, no?  No.  ;)

I decided to take part in the this 5 on Friday business that has hit the blogging world by storm.  But I'm doing a twist by looking at my five senses...

1)  WHAT I'M FEELING:  sore but stronger!  Zach and I survived our first week of yoga.  Oh, man, was I sore on Tuesday after our Monday class!  I got a bit better on Wednesday and could get my boat to float.  *lol*  (This a position in which you sit on your bottom, raise up your legs, hold them, and lean back a bit.  I couldn't do it in the first class.)  It was quite relaxing, except for being embarrassed by my gross toes (time to change my varnish!) and hitting my head on the concrete when we went down on our backs the first day...

2)  WHAT I'M TASTING:  homemade macarons!  The wife of one of our friends at work made strawberry-lemon macarons, and they were sooo good!  Her husband said--and I quote--"They are very hard to make."  I could just nod because I have always wanted to make some of these yet haven't because they are so difficult.  Zach actually LOVED these, and he has never liked macarons.

3)  WHAT I'M SMELLING:  I don't really want to go into that.  Let's just say it involves our cats and the floors (and part of the reason why I had to go to the vet this morning).  : /

4)  WHAT I'M HEARING:  About two weeks ago, I downloaded a Bible-study app called "Through the Word" (which will look like "Thru the Word" on the app logo itself).  It has three parts each day:  a sermon/talk on the chapter of the day, the chapter itself, and a journal.  The weekdays are devoted to a certain book, and then Saturdays look at a Proverbs chapter and Sundays a Psalm.  While there are some things that irk me that the preachers/pastors say, and I'm not really into Paul's letters anymore (I feel like more people follow him than Jesus, but that's a discussion for another day), I've learned so much and am feeling blessed by this.  I needed this guide of bookended devotion in which I get to hear an expert's take on the chapter and then give my own, and I like diving so deeply chapter by chapter.

5)  WHAT I'M SEEING:  my sweet sister-friend Sherrie on her last day at work (she was in Student Activities, too, which Zach was over this past spring); my stomach (It's a food-baby!); and this awesome article on what the goal of marriage is and how submission fits with it from To Love, Honor, and Vacuum (It's not what you think:  "Oneness is the goal of marriage; submission is a tool to get there. It is not the end, in and of itself.")

Thanks for reading and be sure to say hello if you are stopping in from the 5 on Friday Link-Up!

  

A Year Ago Tomorrow

A year ago tonight, I was sitting in a hospital bed, eating more-than-tolerable hospital food and visiting with my husband, my mama, my mother-in-law, and a friend from work.  I was surrounded by flowers and little presents.  I likely had TLC or the Food Network on and was getting two units of blood to begin the treatment for which I had been admitted a week and a half earlier to start.  Earlier that year, we never expected I would need to start such a medication so soon because my intestines had mild inflammation that could be easily treated with the usual round of meds.  But in the fall, the illness spiraled out of control, and this was our next option.  We were nervous; this was a biologic drug that could have serious side effects and outcomes.  But the possibility outweighed the risk.  So I was admitted, missed Thanksgiving, and had test after test and antibiotic after antibiotic to clear me, to make sure I didn't have TB or any infections that would put me in danger when I started the Remicade.  Of course, when the final TB test came back, it was inconclusive, so we weren't sure when I would begin.  My GI doc called in nfectious disease physicians to examine me, and they finally cleared me for take off...

Little did I know that I would wake the next morning, Thursday, December 1, 2011, in the worst pain I had ever experienced.  I knew something was wrong.  I insisted something was wrong, and as a good patient, that was hard to do--to push my doctors to do something.  After enduring a round of x-rays, they didn't pick up on anything and wanted to push forward with the plan.  But I was so afraid everything would go wrong.  I insisted they check again,  After a CAT scan (the second since my hospitalization), they discovered perforations had formed in my colon while I was in the hospital.  This meant emergency surgery to remove the perforated colon.

A year ago tomorrow, I didn't know what danger I was in.  I didn't know what it meant to have part of your colon removed.  I didn't know that I could die from what happened in my body, by my body, to my body.

This is something I wrote in response to that day in my daily Facebook photo album:

So many people prayed for me, people I do not know, some people I will probably never meet. It brings tears to my eyes when I go on Facebook and see where people said they were praying for me and sending love and support and encouragement. Prayer saved my life. I do believe that. If we had not all joined together, I do not know if I would be doing as well as I am. I have had some setbacks, yes, but, overall, my recovery has gone very well. I have tried to trust God completely and let Him carry me through this ordeal. I still have my moments when I lose faith and worry, but I know it is a result of the prayers we lifted up to Jesus together that have gotten me here. I had been praying the entire morning before my surgery, asking God to heal me from the inside and to bind Satan and to curse this horrible disease. I have been very careful not to say "my" Crohn's Disease anymore; I will not take ownership of it. It is not a part of me; it is part of this fallen world and is not part of God's promise to us. He wants us to be healthy and well and whole in His image. The thing about Crohn's Disease is that your body attacks itself and treats food, especially things that are often considered healthier such as raw fruits and vegetables, as something to be attacked as well. But God has promised otherwise in some of the first words of the Bible: "Then God said, 'I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. '" (Genesis 1:29) I know we often skip through the Old Testament, especially those first passages, but I don't think it can be any plainer than that. I am going to be healed; I am going to be well; I am going to be stronger than before. Food will nourish not destroy my body. This experience has changed my life in so many ways, ways I could have never imagined. I am getting my life back physically and spiritually so I can go out and love and serve and do what I am supposed to do. I believed in prayer before this, but now I have experienced the true power of it, what it does, what it can do. It breaks my heart if you don't believe in God or prayer because I know that He saved my life on December 1 because we prayed to Him. I still have a long way to go and I still need lots of prayers, but I know it will be okay because I trust God has kept me here for a reason.

Tomorrow, we are going to Eureka Springs for a walking tour of Victorian homes decorated for Christmas.  It will be a time of great rejoicing and happiness and fun.  I know Zach and I will reflect on where we were a year ago and how far we have come, but I will not let what is passed be a burden on a glorious day and weekend.  I thank God for giving me back my life, for all those that were instruments in His Hands to do so--my family, my friends, my physicians.  He is my Father, my Friend, my Great Physician.  I thank Him for letting me remember, for helping me not forget, for allowing me to process these memories with both praise and mourning, acceptance and disbelief, happiness and hurt and even a little humor as I remember how my colon crapped out (bathroom humor) and became a semicolon (English teacher humor).  What a life I have!  What a future I have!  And, as the future is now, I will go enjoy the present that the Lord has given me.  :)

Be Grateful #14

In my part of the nation--that is obviously Arkansas since this is "The Pharr Side of Arkansas" :)  --it is officially Thanksgiving!  So HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU TURKEYS!  I hope you have a lovely day with your loved ones and eat and eat and eat...and eat and eat and eat...and eat and eat and eat some more.  ;)

This is the apple pie I made for our dinner.  I first made this recipe for Christmas in 2010, and it went over very well.  So I planned to make it for last Thanksgiving, but we know how that turned out.  I think it looks beautiful with the oak leaf, maple leaf, and acorn cutouts (along with three apple cutouts in the center).  Hopefully, it tastes as good as it looks!  (I'll let you know.)

This year, I feel especially thankful.  Last year at this time, I was hospitalized and battling the worst Crohn's Disease flare-up I've had yet, planning to beat it by starting Remicade.  Eventually, this flare caused perforations in my colon, which led to emergency surgery and a colostomy before starting Remicade about two weeks later.  I almost died last year, and I am so grateful that I am still here.  Things like that really put it all in perspective, don't they?  You can read more about those experiences life-altering experiences here.

1)  I am thankful for my Lord and Savior who loves me unconditionally and saves me moment by moment.  I really would be nothing without God.

2)  I am thankful to be alive and (pretty much) well.  :)

3)  I am thankful for my husband.  God really knew what He was doing when He made Zach and put him in my life.  Since we have been together, he has never ceased to amaze me with his love, kindness, intelligence, humor, thoughtfulness, quirkiness, etc. etc. etc.

4)  I am thankful for my mama and that she is doing better this year, getting back on track, having started some things over, becoming closer with my brother again.

5)  I am thankful for my family--whether by blood, law, or choice.  "No man is an island," John Donne once said.  Nor should he.  We need each other.  I am so glad I need them and they me.

6)  I am thankful for my friends and acquaintances who inspire me, like me, support me, and guide me.

7)  I am thankful for my kitties.  They are our babies, and it's hard to picture our life without them.

8)  I am thankful to have a home with food in our pantries, heat in our house, and running water in the showers.

9)  I am thankful for our Dyson vacuum, so Zach can continue to do a thing he loves (vacuuming--he is so weird, y'all!) and for my Scentsy warmer, so I can make our house smell like oranges, cloves, and cinnamon (Mandarin Moon).

10)  I am thankful for tomorrow, which is already today and will soon become a yesterday.

What are you thankful for this year??

Thinking about Lent...

So I was bad this last week and didn't take any photos of the veggies I cooked (and we were bad as a family because we didn't eat many veggies in the first place), so no Menu Monday. I guess I should have back-up recipes for times like these! (I briefly thought about posting a biscuit recipe, but I only have a picture of the product, not the process, so it still seemed like a no-go.) We almost cooked some sweet potato tater tots (with other stuff) Sunday night, but then I was too exhausted to cook, so Zach had cereal, and I just went to bed. :(

Anyway, a lot of things have been weighing heavily on my heart lately--namely the fact that my sisters' step-dad is dying of cancer and a little three-year-old boy who was in remission has now been diagnosed with a new subgroup of leukemia. Please pray for my family and the Begoon family and for everyone who is suffering some kind of disease. Though it's selfish, I have also been thinking about my own battle to keep Crohn's Disease at bay. (It's been at the forefront of our thoughts primarily because Zach and I went to our first ostomy support group meeting Sunday afternoon, and honestly, we walked away a little scared regarding my reconstruction surgery after I had already worried us by reading about its complications.) I have been trying so hard to understand why we have disease and how to get rid of it. And I don't mean just for me--but for the whole world. I know it's not my responsibility to save the world...and yet it is because we are called to serve others and share the Gospel and I know that by Jesus' stripes we are healed, and I want healing for all of us NOW (His will be done on earth as it is in heaven--God's will is to heal). But then I get caught up in theology and doctrine and terminology, trying to figure out exactly what to believe and why some people are healed and others are not even though we seem to believe in the same things. It's a lot to handle, and I guess that, even though I hope I am continually maturing in my faith, I'm just not mature enough to handle this spiritually.

With that said, Easter is right around the corner (By His stripes we are healed!)! I LOVE Easter! For years, it has been my favorite holiday, and I hate how it is not as loved as Christmas. Christ's birth is amazing, but His death seems all the more amazing to me, and I wish we had the same sort of spirit in us at Easter as we do at Christmas. I'm thinking about how we are going to mark this day, and I have a few ideas floating around in my head, including exchanging baskets (like we always do) and dyeing eggs. (We bought an egg-dyeing kit two years ago but have never had the chance to use it.) Since I feel we got cheated out of celebrating many holidays and regular days in the fall and early winter, I'm trying to make the most of every one even when our plans fall apart. (I really wanted to do something for Mardi Gras, but Zach has a work dinner. *boo* I really LOVE Mardi Gras; for the longest time, I wanted a Mardi Gras-themed wedding.)

Since today is Fat Tuesday, that means tomorrow is the beginning of Lent. And I have nooo idea what to give up this year. :/ I'm not Catholic or Methodist--I actually don't align myself with any Christian denomination--but I am still drawn to the meaning and sacrifice that Lent represents. I usually give up either sweet tea or soda pop (or, as we call it in the South, coke *hehe*). Last year, I successfully gave up sweet tea--I was so proud of myself, and I felt like I had a clearer mind and a more settled spirit. (If you know me, this was huge because I can go through a pitcher in a short time!) I was also able to finally lower the amount of sugar I use in my tea I make at home because now it's all too sweet. I can't drink sodas right now--I've had a sip of Zach's a few times, and it is far too sweet, so it wouldn't bother me to give it up--so that is out, and I really don't want to give up sweet tea since there is so many food items I can't eat. I've considered giving up Facebook, but I would really miss my daily photo album posts, and I'm not sure if my heart would stay in the right place if I still allowed myself to get on there, even for a few minutes. One of my friends from grad school made the New Year's resolution to get rid of something every day of this year, and I think that is a really great idea. (She is still going strong nearly two months later--go, Paulette!) Hmmm...I've also considered giving up sweets or meat, but once again, with my health issues, there are certain things I shouldn't give up right now for nutritional reasons or for psychological/emotional reasons.

Gosh, I don't know, but I better figure it out before tomorrow...

MENU MONDAY: Roasted Brussels Sprouts

The last time I had BRUSSELS SPROUTS was in 2003 right after I was released from the hospital following my first flare-up and diagnosis with Crohn's Disease.

I had always been a picky eater growing up. Though not as picky as some--I had a friend who did not try pizza until fourth grade!--I was very picky when it came to vegetables. I stuck to the trusted, kid-friendly ones such as potatoes and corn, but I also liked fried summer vegetables like squash and okra. I loved raw celery and carrots, and I often tried to eat cooked carrots that were boiled, but, of course, the boiling killed all the flavor, and I ended up not eating them. I liked lettuce and onions on my hamburgers (actually I could eat an onion like an apple), and I liked tomato sauce in things.

And I think that was it when it came to vegetables.

In August 2003, I was started on a low-fiber, low residue diet that required I avoid fried, greasy foods, raw fruits and vegetables, seeds and nuts, and other items. Slowly, I was allowed to reintroduce the items--and I only rarely had problems until this flare-up--but, at first, I strictly adhered to it. I was allowed to eat fruits and vegetables, but they had to be cooked. As I had been on TPN (total parenteral nutrition) for three weeks, my taste buds, stomach, and such had changed. I felt I needed to retrain them, and inspired by Genesis 1:29, I decided I needed to try things that I had not liked or thought I disliked previously.

I believe that, on the afternoon I was released, my mama and I had dinner at the hospital cafeteria where I tried sautéed mushrooms for the first time. I didn't like mushrooms before I was sick, and we never had them when I was growing up--which may be why I never liked them!--so I thought I would give them a go. (I didn't like them. I still don't. But I am going to give them another go with this little project.)

Before I get to the BRUSSELS SPROUTS, here a few pictures right before I was diagnosed in 2003. I started having initial symptoms about a year before I was hospitalized, in 2002 (ten years ago!), but in the months leading to my diagnosis, I had more and more trouble and turned more and more pale. One thing I remember is that I had a cyst on my face that would not clear up no matter what I tried. I must admit that I did "photoshop" a few of the photos sometime ago because that wasn't something I wanted to remember...

Designer of the Year, April 2003

Prom, April 2003, with Tasha and Brandi

Bryant High School Graduation, May 22, 2003

En route to Florida via Memphis with Aunt Tay and Savannah, June 2003

I had been to see my gastroenterologist by this time and had had a colonoscopy. They only did colonoscopies through her clinic on Thursdays, I believe, and as a senior in high school, my schedule had been crammed those last months of school. I did not have a colonoscopy until the Thursday before we left on this trip though I believe I first saw Dr. Helen Casteel in March; I think this was just two days after. Following my colonoscopy, I had been put on a Prevacid, an antibiotic for H-Pylori, and two other medications I don't recall. I wasn't quite faithful in taking all of my medicine on the trip. I didn't realize how serious my situation was.

Man, I thought those yellow-shade glasses were sooo cool.

Panama City Beach

We were trying to dress like twinkies!

on a ferry

one night out

at Hooters

We went through Biloxi on our way home to view the damage from recent storms. It was very much changed then, so I can't imagine how it looked after Katrina two years later. (Our family went to Biloxi last May for Erin's wedding, and much has been rebuilt, but you can still see the scars.) I was getting very sick this time; I was running a fever, and my throat was so sore. (I picked up some kind of infection from the ocean, which was made worse by my condition.)

We thought we were getting a picture on the Biloxi sign. After all the trouble it took to climb up there and get Savannah satisfied, we said screw it--we'll take the Gulf Coast!

So I had BRUSSELS SPROUTS for the first time in 2003. In the fall of 2003, I was strictly adhering to my low-fiber, low-residue diet, and I started eating cooked green beans and peas happily. (Well, I wasn't so keen on the peas, but I have started to like them much better of late.) One week I picked up a bag of frozen SPROUTS in a butter sauce. The directions said to steam them in their sauce, so I did. THEY WERE AWFUL! They were mushy and bitter, and I just did not care for the sauce that came with them. I never tried them again.

Until now.

These ROASTED BRUSSELS SPROUTS are amazing! I seriously cannot wait to make them again. They are crunchy on the outside and tender on the inside and salty but slightly sweet. I love them--I could just pop them in my mouth like mini pretzels or kettle chips. They are also adorable. What I previously thought looked like alien brains now look like these charming little cabbages that I could use to play with my American Girl doll Samantha.

And the best thing is that BRUSSELS SPROUTS are cruciferous vegetables (like broccoli or cauliflower), which are some of the healthiest around!

ROASTED BRUSSELS SPROUTS

-Preheat oven to 400 degrees. This is what the stars look like. :)

-Cut off the white stem end from each sprout and remove any yellowed leaves. Then cut each sprout in half. (This makes it easier to roast them as well as eat them.)

-Rinse sprouts well. Here are all of my tiny cabbages split and ready to go!

-Mix together 3 Tablespoons olive oil, 3/4 teaspoon salt and pepper to taste. Then add sprouts and toss to coat well.

I originally felt this was a tad bit too much salt, but they really were seasoned perfectly!

-Place sprouts on a nonstick baking sheet. (I would suggest using one that is not stained or one that is too dark. I think they brown/blacken too quickly otherwise, but I didn't want to stain my nice Wilton ones. *lol*) I started by laying them cut side up. Roast for 35 to 40 minutes. I flipped them halfway through the cooking time, but since they browned on the bottom so quickly, I wish I had flipped them more than once. This may not be the case for your oven/pans...or for mine the next time. :)

Here they are in all their glory! I served them with mashed potatoes and this yummy roast my mama made while she was still visiting this last week. It was such a tasty meal! And I really cannot wait to make them again...maybe next week? ;)

And here are a few more pictures of me with Tasha (and Steph and Brandi). These were taken at Tasha's graduation in May 2004, the spring after I was diagnosed. I was still on prednisone and azathioprine at this time, but I think the prednisone may have been tapered at this point. My face is a little rounder than normal in these photos, but it's really not that bad. (You always think its worse in person and when you are growing through it.) As of now, I am down to ten milligrams a day when I started at 30 (40 back in November). My face is still puffy, but I don't think it is as puffy as it was (moonfaced), and my appetite is more normal. My hair, however, is still doing crazy things. As I was on prednisone for a much longer time and at a higher dosage, my face seemed to gain weight and stayed puffy much longer. I could literally feel when it would puff up after I took my medicine. It was a crazy feeling! My friend Brandi in these photos joked that people would see me driving down the street and think I was much heavier than I was...until I stepped out of the vehicle. (The rest of me was a normal size; only my face swelled although some people's hands and feet also swell.) I could show you some more interesting photos from that time--I seriously look like Gwyneth Paltrow from Shallow Hal in the face--but I have never scanned them onto my computer. Probably because they are so frightening...and I wouldn't want them to pop up on our Apple TV!

And I am not trying to make fun of anyone--I just think I look crazy when my face puffs up but the rest of me is normal (or as normal as I can be! *lol*).

Menu Monday: POTATO-LEEK SOUP

I have decided to try a new vegetable every week in an effort to get healthier (and hopefully break my dependence on Cheez-It's). Veggies, you say? Aren't you, a person recovering from Crohn's Disease and colon surgery (initially, I typed "sugary," which is true, too *lol*), supposed to stay away from veggies? Well, to hell with that. Vegetables are good for us; they are not bad for us. Disease is bad for us, and you know why? Because Satan is the author of disease. God promised me the food of every seed-bearing plant and every tree that has fruit with seed in it (Genesis 1:29), so, by golly, I'm going to have them as food because He keeps his promises. I am, however, starting off with cooked veggies...though I did try a bite of raw carrot with this recipe. I'm a rebel. (It didn't cause me any issues. I also had pineapple on my pizza. And, yes, I had pizza. ;)

I tried doing this little project last fall...or summer, maybe? But obviously it did not last. I remember I tried beets...and some other things. I honestly only remember the beets...and now lima beans because I went to my blog to see. I included fruits, too. Maybe I should include fruits again because I know there are some I haven't tried. I think in the summer I had blueberries as a "new" fruit, not because I had never had them but because I never liked them previously unless they were in muffins. (I made Ben and Jerry's blueberry ice cream recipe, so I guess that doesn't count as trying to be healthy. *haha* BUT the fresh blueberries were so tasty in it. I can't wait for the Farmer's Market this year!)

Anyway, I've technically had this veggie before, but I LOVED it and haven't had it in almost a year.

What is this you ask?

Since I'm still "sick" and it's winter, I thought, POTATO-LEEK SOUP would be perfect to make! After all, the leeks are cooked and potatoes (and carrots) are easy on the stomach. The picture above was taken at ICASI in Cleveland last March when we visited Holly (and the culinary school at which she works). Every Saturday the students prepare several courses and serve them; it was AMAZING, and this soup was one of my favorites. Now it was a creamier POTATO-LEEK SOUP than the one I'm sharing, but the flavors were still amazing (and you didn't have to worry about blending it together). This recipe also calls for quite a bit of onion, but I haven't noticed it giving me any issues either (as long as it is cooked...and I love onion! I can't give it up.).

POTATO-LEEK SOUP

-Wash and dice two leeks (the white part only...though I cut it below the green leaves and diced away so some light green snuck in. I wish I had taken a picture of the leeks. Zach couldn't find them at the store, but, when we went back, I found them right away--and I've never seen one! ;).

-Peel and dice a medium onion. (Do you wash your onions? I just realized I never do. I think I read somewhere that water is bad for them?)

-Melt four tablespoons of butter in a large soup pot or Dutch oven, add leeks and onion, and sauté until tender for 5 to 7 minutes.

-Add three and 1/4 cups of chicken stock or broth to the pot. Because we're poor (or cheap), we use a chicken base from Sam's and mix up some water with it. I would, however, like to start making my own stocks because they offer some great health benefits. (That's why we eat chicken soup when we are sick!)

-Peel, wash, and dice four carrots and add them to the pot..

-Peel, wash, and dice three large potatoes (or, in my case, five small to medium potatoes) and add them to the pot.

-Add 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper, 1/4 teaspoon of thyme, and 1 bay leaf to the pot.

-You may need to add a bit more stock or add some water to cover all the veggies. Heat to boiling, then cover and simmer for 30 to 35 minutes. Be sure to remove the bay leaf before serving!

Voila! You have easily made POTATO-LEEK SOUP! I prefer to eat my soup with hot bread most of the time, but, as I was trying to get dinner to my semicolon, I just had a few saltines, my go-to soup cracker. This was just delicious, and the seasonings were just perfect in it. Thyme has become one of my favorites to use, and I am so happy we finally got some bay leaves because I have been using them a lot lately. I think adding some kind of protein (probably chicken since chicken stock is used) would take this soup over the top.

I can't wait to share my veggie for next week. I hope I like it because I never have before...!